Early background
Geoff’s 1992 book [1] was most enlightening and the main source – basically like mine.
Education:
1st school ? (Moreland State School 1936-1938 ?), Coburg High School 1939-42. Gained the Merit and Intermediate Certificates
Hobbies, Sport:
Street cricket . Tennis, netball, swimming?
Jobs.
Bank clerk at E,S&A Bank Collins St. (later Union) 1943-1948; wife, mother, nurse, homemaker, made tent, jacket, clothes, Pink Lady at Concord Hospital 1985 – 91.
Her biggest job were managing the home, fixing or making food, furnishings, clothes, finance, letters, bills, money, her many medical problems and handling the kids and me etc.
She did a fantastic job with the boys and Stan. 90% of the credit of the boy’s upbringing is hers.
Her great and valuable help to Stan in many ways including going to various Australian and overseas events enabled big progress in AU to be made in PE technology, Standards and in government. She got and used a typewriter and about 1982 our first computer -a Commodore 250 and did much typing, reviewing, editing as well as suggesting improvements. She had her own income from me and her own income tax – free for her to use and feel recognized, valuable, not only dependent on me and reduced family tax The OAM is half hers.
WW II Work: air raid warden, help for troops at St Paul’s etc , letters to troops and a sailor (I never read these and Alex holds with Barb’s certificates)
Homes: Athelstan Road, Camberwell, Vic 1927
Hewitt St, Glen Iris, 1929
Wilson St, North Carlton (Princes Hill) late 1929. (Probably this move was a first effect of the Great Depression)
Storey St, Parkville (in rented rooms with mum and “dad who had became ill, and was
out of work” [1]
96 Davies St, Moreland 1935
201 Bell St. Coburg 1936- 11/1948 (Next to 40 Vincent St where Stan lived 1934 -1941.
South Coburg – temporary@ Harry and Edie Watts home 4 weeks in 8/1948.
(Note Harry owned a heel manufacture business and was a top mason and friend of Barb’s dad. On first meeting him I disliked his bragging etc, but as I got to know him I changed a bit – but then completely when he and Edie took in Barb, her mum and dad when they had to move quickly out of 201. Lessons: 1 “don’t judge a person only on first sight. 2. Extroverts are not bad)
I judged Barb on first sight and luckily was proven right over the next 57years.
Lesson 3. Also “there is a difference between words and actions, and they don’t always align. Best when known by both parties and they align”. I was not so good on both.
Marriage. See Barb and Stan
18 Caton Ave, East Coburg 6/1948- 10/1953; (Greg and living with in-laws good training. Diversion therapy .)
3 Leonie St. Heathmont 16/10/1953 – 29/1/1962 (Barb & Stan’s 1st – timber, asbestos roof, 3 bedrooms, 1040 sq. ft (97 sq. m) including porches, built through War Service Homes, designed & drawn by Barb and Stan. Dirt road, no services when started -1st was telephone. Stan cleared block and some trees (left most), killed snakes, laid 300’ of 3/4” gal.pipe, built septic system with 200’ agric. pipe, retaining wall of Lilydale rock showing fossils, some local brush fences, and cupboards. Barb made curtains etc Solar design based on CSIRO data on sun at various times to get best eave width and window height to get maximum winter sun – nearly 5m on floor, and none mid-summer. Rear entrance via a small laundry which acted as an airlock. See photo 1959. S)
32 Sluman St, Denistone, Sydney 30/1/1962 -16/6/1962 Temporary, rented
88 Boundary Rd, North Epping 16/6/1962 – 15/7/1991 (Barb & Stan’s 2nd home S)
Move to Sydney. (See separate story)
Health:
1934 ? diphtheria – (possibly contributed to her partial claustrophobia – preferred out west to heavy forests, and scared of new MRI at RAH in 1988 with me helping)
1930s most children illnesses eg mumps, chicken pox, tonsils, missed polio,
1952. Ruptured ovarian cyst. Balwyn Hospital (Add Near death Story?)
1957 Scolded her hand and arm in heating milk for Warren. Doc peeled off most skin and added a new special dressing which was successful.
1958 Asthma increasing St Vincent’s Hospital, Melbourne
1966 Asthma attack Ryde Hospital, Sydney boys to Sydney Easter Show show bags for Barb
1978 Severe asthma Ryde Hospital RPAH Dr Joseph (Add Near death Story?)
1980. Damaged leg in campervan, Manchester Hospital; and fractured skull in rear car seat, in Reading Hospital England. (These and trip back to AU) (Add Near death Story?)
1985. Collapsed right lung . (Damaged when intern under Professor control reluctantly attempted to reinflate lung at Concord Hospital. Major surgery removed mid part of R lung “like stitching wet tissue paper -Surgeon. 1/10/1985 -3/11/1985 )
1988. Ruptured bowel Royal Adelaide Hospital (4 weeks. Add Near death Story?)
1991 Only elective surgery – to reverse stoma. Died Pneumonia/asthma/ oedema 21/7/1991 approx. 4 pm Gloucester House, RPAH, Sydney. ( Dr Eyers, Surgeon . Add death Story?)
Physical 1949: Tall as Stan (would have liked me to be taller to wear high heels), slim about 66kg, light brown hair. Beautiful. In 1936 she was more blond and had long curls on each side.
Realist She doubled all Stan’s time estimates; and had a plaque from Ruth:
“ God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference“
Her quote 1990. “Woman was taken from man
not from his head to be above him,
nor from his feet to be trampled by him, *
but from his side to be equal to him,
and under his arm to be protected by him,
and close to his heart to be cherished by him”.
(* This line was not in Barb’s note in her 1990 appointment Notebook).
I did not know of her quote until after her death or why she noted it; but it was right and in reflection that’s how I loved her. It came naturally with my background, and possibly as we both had grown up together, had the same religious and moral background and height.
Barb’s dad told me the old saying about the tree near where Barb and I slept in 1949-53: “A woman, a dog and a walnut tree, the harder you beat them the better they be.” I never tried to hurt or hit Barb and rarely the boys. (Events in Feb2021 disclose rape etc is still too frequent in politics, health, schools etc. Thus it again shows the difficulty of Man-Woman relationship which Barb was right to recall the above quote that comes from King Solomon times and was omitted from the Bible but worth adopting.
See note under Stan, my letter to Olga. 1992. Selfless, Help others quote Dr Joseph’s personal letter, and Jill née Whiting
See her last three photos: pain , problems and premonition or scared of major operation. Never told or hinted to me and a final example of her not whingeing was her eyes telling me she was in trouble about 3 hours before her death. Now I can’t remember her ever crying.
Not a backseat driver even when things were tough eg car temperature over 50C or crash South of Birdsville, sand bogged near the Dig Tree, or dangerous crossing Sliding Rock Creek, butnot in the centre of Paris congested roundabout when driving a campervan (illegal). Then she threatened to divorce me. Marvelously drove us out of bog at Emu Creek near Lake Torrens , SA with Rog. and me pushing and Warren holding tent etc)
Trips. 1963 to Melbourne for her Mum’s funeral in winter by train with no heating.
See Stan’s Trips most with Barb
Friends
At high school: see her letters and autograph book.
At Heathmont: June and Ralph Bell, June and Jack Jarvis, Marg and Tom Grey, Ivy and Vic Burden
Dot Martinson b 29/8/1926 married Jack Martinson 1954? d 2/2/2015 (B & D met at work at E,S &A bank in 1942, friend in WW II, Barb’s bridesmaid 1949. Great friend)
Val Blunt b 1927 m John Blunt ? d 2018? Great friend)
Doris and Reg Alder
Eunice and Don Rae
Olga. and other Pink Ladies at Concord Hospital see Stan’s letter to O
Many others: see letters etc on her death.
Her Stoicism
Only in 2020 did I realize that after Barb’s near death experiences in 1988 that she had been hurting more than I thought, had many visits to doctors and gradually was becoming apprehensive or scared or had premonition of the forthcoming operation which she (and I for her) wanted – to get rid of the stoma and its affects, but killed her. This is seen in the last 3 photos I have of her (the last by me at the kitchen wall frame of her new house at 1A Woods St. a week before going to hospital). In these she would normally have had her great smile. Her last love letter to me from RPAH just before the operation hints at it. [Ref]
I should have noticed at the time but now understand she always was stoic and would not whinge even when she was in great trouble many times. This was part of an Aussie culture of many of us – probably influenced by the ANZACs performance during and after WW I, then the Great Depression which affected our families and by WW II when Barb did a lot of selfless work on the home front and her family and friends were heavily in action.
She never told or hinted to me she had problems and a final example of her not whingeing was her eyes telling me she was in trouble about 3 hours before her death. Now I can’t remember her ever crying except when in pain and carried by stretcher for an emergency life-saving operation in 1952 and when patted on the leg by an intern on the day she died.
See my letter to Olga. 1992. Selfless Help others quote Dr Joseph’s personal letter, neighbor
Religion.
COE. Her mother was religious and until about 1938 Barb attended St Augustines Church where her mother when young attends and Ruth and Bill were married with Barb a bridesmaid (I went to see Barb come out of the church) . There she got !st prize for religious studies
Barb & Stan got criticized by B’s family member on our selection of “John” – another Pope to Greg’s two. Thought I was catholic – typical of Catholic v Protestant time.
Our boys started to go to All Saints Church at North Epping in 1962 and so did Barb and Stan when available. Roger, I think it was, scared the Sunday school teacher with a rubber snake . Barb was a member of the Ladies Guild until her death,
Births in 1940- 60s could not have fathers present. When I took Barb for
Greg, the German nuns virtually treated me as a rapist and kicked me out
quick. Afterwards, Barb had a quick safe birth and then blasted me for sleeping
that Saturday night while she did all the hard work. All thought Greg’s birth would be
long because her both sisters had been lengthy.
Lesson One of my early ones in tact and transparency etc.
None of the births were planned but B & S wanted kids and as contraception in 1949 and 50s was difficult for the poor we took chances and it worked out great.)
The names of the boys were selected consciously and unconsciously by B
& S with B having final choice. On reflection they were based on how they sounded, limited to two, be reasonably short (not like SAA), how the three initials would look and sound. Forgot Popes (see B religion) and and didn’t feel family names appropriate.)
Greg’s birth and upbringing in the first 4 years was also a great boost to
Barb’s parents and when Stan first starting as an engineer and more study. He loved trucks (on sight yelled “truckee” and picked a battered one from the Coburg tip which I repaired and repainted while he watched. When doing some hack sawing on the back verandah he grabbed the blade and I nearly cut his finger off. Only cut to the bone, plenty of blood and yelling but fixed with mercuric-chrome and bandaids. However hell let loose when Barb and her Mum and Dad came home. I don’t think I was ever forgiven.
Lesson: “Beware of angry mothers and grandparents”
Miscarriage. In about 1954 at Heathmont, Barb miscarried 14 week twin boys which I handled initially and Doc agreed; and then buried in the backyard at Heathmont without showing Barb. I said nature decided they would not be fit , and we never discussed it more. But Barb must have been shattered although I think she never showed or said anything.
Warren’s birth was thus very welcome until about 8 months later we learnt he had CP which I now believe was due to lack of oxygen because of the delay after his birth while Barb was alone (reported by her later) but possibly by recent scarlet fever.
This changed Barb, Stan and Greg’s lives but made us a better couple and also I think and hope Greg’s. B & S felt guilty somehow and so we spent a lot of effort in his first 6 years until he could walk alone. Barb used to take him to The Children’s Hospital and wheel him in our pusher to Heathmont state school where all were so helpful. A Doc. recommended him a monthly pill which he would have to take for life. We were reluctant and the Doc accepted.
In 1962 he went to North Epping state school where all also were of great help.
One of my many mistakes was thinking he would be no good at scouting and didn’t push. Much later Ray Lawrence 1st Epping Scout Master said he would have been welcome.
Despite his difficulties he has done a fantastic job, and it was terrific to see him wed his soul mate Susan on 3/1/2121. He can add more than I know when convenient.
(Lesson: again, ”Nothing ventured, nothing gained” – thus give it a go and try and be positive).
Roger’s pregnancy initially was not welcome by Barb because of her earlier miscarriage of twins and then Warren’s birth. She wanted an abortion and asked me to find out how to get it done. I checked with my great school mate Bill Elrick a neurosurgeon who would not do it, and recommended against it. This supported what I preferred, and so persuaded her the risk was small enough to continue the pregnancy.
His birth was difficult, forceps were needed and his jaw was damaged so Barb had great difficulty in breast feeding for about 3 months, and we had little sleep. The Docs. thought a complete transfuse might be needed but we were reluctant unless really necessary. It wasn’t essential and not done.
After a year Barb and I knew we had been lucky with another great son, but we had to be more careful with contraception. It was easier then as I had a good job in the Navy.)