Barb and Stan

Barb and Stan by Stan etc See also separate notes on Barb and Stan

#. 1936 Barb moved to No. 201 next to Stan at No. 40 but with a lane between. Stan on first sight and meeting started the beautiful process of falling in love with her “and Barb at 10 or 11 years was eyeing a young lad who lived next door -Stan Ambrose” [1].

# She was new, different, tall, beautiful, long blonde curls, looked, talked and smelt nice.,

friendly to me and all, played in the VincentSt gang – cricket, football, scooter races, cracker night at nearby paddock, not climb trees

Stan moved away in 1941 to North Coburg but we met occasionally.

# 1937 & 8. I wanted her to visit me when twice when I had acute rheumatic fever but the right practice was not to with any fever.

# In 1942 my first love letter to Barb was very poor and untactful in requesting a good response, and so was ineffective or negative.

# 1943–44 I was upset at not partnering her at the Coburg debutante ball, and no letters in first 6 months in the RAAF. I never knew the competitors for her. I met her on a few occasions, as friends.

# 15/8/1945 Then after seeing her on VJ Day and back to 1 OTU, I screwed up enough courage for a half-love letter 5  weeks later [2]. She sent me her photo I sought.

# 1946. Dot Martinson, Barb’s great friend and bridesmaid, after Barb’s death told me getting smashed at footy and hospitalized in 1946 made Barb realize she loved me. Life is amazing. Earlier I made a special but unsuccessful attempt in the RAAF to go north to fight – primarily to impress Barb. I never told her nor knew getting smashed was more effective.

# July 1947 [4]she wrote me the best love letter in the world. [3]. It was perfect, and on rereading it in 78 years later it greatly affects me emotionally and I miss her. Thus we naturally thought about getting married and an our engagement was like an automatic affair (to me). Jean Dall, Barb’s sister, years later said that she advised Barb to marry me, and she liked my legs at tennis. Maybe that helped.

# Our marriage in Feb 1949 occurred after a supplementary Uni. hydraulics exam the month before which enabled me to continue the final year and was a relief to both of us. The actual wedding preparation, ceremony in the big bluestone Holy Trinity Church and dinner in the Sunday school hall is now a blurr to me. I know the place but cannot recall anything of the ceremony, vow, kiss, people or speeches – Other than writing Margerie instead of Margaret on the marriage certificate – and getting further blasts for a few years.This seems to happen to me with many good things, whereas my memory for most bad events is very clear.

My speech was my 1st public one, and cannot remember anything except later I felt it was mess. I can’t remember any hisses.

I have only one wedding photo on the wall of us two which by our smiles and body language show we were very happy

#. Communication. We rarely discussed our backgrounds but must have relied on our mutual experience over 1934-47 to know we could trust each other which made love a lot easier and did not rely on “love at first sight only”. Geoff’s 1992 book [1] was most enlightening and the main source of Barb’s early background – basically like mine.

I loved and love in the full sense only one woman but wrongly treated her ie the same as myself and equal. I did not know that women and men think, feel and act differently, and that both need good communication for optimum life. Never thought of “owning” her but but wanted her as a partner and mate – for me alone as in the wedding vow.

# Tact Early in our marriage about 1951, Stan again was untactful and learning relationships. When Barb stewed some apples and asked how I liked them. I shocked Barb and her mum and dad by saying “no good – they taste of a bit of soap” that had been left in the saucepan. Things were tense for days. 

Lesson. Sometimes it is better to tell a lie (white)”. See Story on Learning to lie.

# Work and Home Naturally there was some clash of these because right balance is not easy and depends on couple and circumstances and is rarely ideal). I think we did reasonably considering our circumstances. Barb probably had some different views, as for example each year I often was home late when daylight saving came in as I was guided by sun again (See story on sun) – this upset important mealtimes and family life.

Barb primarily managed the home, beds, cooking, food, washing, furnishings, clothes, letters, bills, money, boys and me. (Stan by 2021 has bought only a pair of pants since 1991 and relied on family practical gifts).

Stan primarily looked after income, jobs and home and car maintenance, but in early days washed Greg’s nappies. This helped us to get a washing machine from a mate for our 1st home at Heathmont where 5 of us and Winsome lived.

Barb’s help with my work was terrific and enabled big progress to be made technically and in government, with Barb’s much and valuable input . It included unplanned help socially at many Standards and other meetings and events in AU and overseas. .She got and used our first computer Commodore 250 and did much typing, reviewing which helped a lot with my work and Standards. The OAM awarded me in 1997 for help to the PE industry and Standards, is half hers. See Barb-Jobs

Barb also helped in very any ways in our numerous trips. See Stan -Trips

Own income from me (and own income tax) – free for her to use and feel recognized, valuable and not only dependent on me. May have helped in our total tax?

Move to Our 1st Home after passing our degree we started thinking of our own home. We answered and Ad. in 1951 and were told I was a “ Man of means” by a Spencer Jackson salesman 1951 who never came back after he heard our financial position. Barb and I often laughed at this. Land hunting. War Service Homes ‘house of ill repute” 4.5 years living with in laws when we are not on the same wave length is difficult and was a big motivation to move. It was a good teacher of developing tact, compromise and diversion therapy which saved me. TBA

# Parting. Her death was unexpected, sudden, due to human inadequacies, and devastated – me for life. The only good thing was she didn’t suffer the loss of me.

I visit her grave each year birthday or Christmas and take a flower from our garden.

This draft is to be my final tribute to her. I still love and miss her.