BARB’S DEATH ON 21/7/1991 – Old Version to be removed?

1   Introduction       This is a brief record of the story of the biggest event in Barb and my lives.   It had a far bigger affect than me seeing or being with the dozen people who died  in WW II, friends in later years and others in industrial accidents.

It’s prime purposes are to let our family know how great Barb was in her last few years and how I failed to protect her; so that you may learn from our strengths and weaknesses.

As ever I have tried to be honest and unbiased as far as possible.

2   Before her last operation.       I have just realized (25/3/2021) after reading various documents and some notes made just after her death that she and I were greatly in love but under great stress leading up to the operation. 

  The last 3 photos of her I have just noted were without her beautiful smile  and show that she was hurting. Her last 2 (love) letters [?] to me hinted she was apprehensive but optimistic and looking forward to coming home and the new house.

  Two weeks before her operation  I can now remember really losing my block and told a  committee colleague that he was a “fucking liar”. This shocked me and the  whole committee meeting  because I had never said anything like that about a colleague or friend.  I was wrong – he was telling us what he thought was the truth but it was far from the complete truth because of his limited experience. Later I apologized and told him the whole truth.

  Lesson    Beware when you are under big stress – double check and avoid big actions -if you can.

3  Her Operation    .1  In Adelaide in 1988 she slipped, fell heavily and had a major emergency operation at Royal Adelaide Hospital. After 4 weeks she was just fit enough to come back to Sydney in a sleeper on the Indian-Pacific to fully recover for her last operation See Barb – RAH 

 .2.  In the next 3 years some hernias were developing and she also wanted to get rid of her inconvenient stoma. We consulted with three doctors – her GP and top surgeon and physician, and Barb chatted with Dr Joseph of RPAH, who much earlier had saved her life after I had been told she was dying. See Barb – Ryde and RPA Hospitals

 .3  The operation was to reopen her abdomen, remove the stoma, reconnect her lower intestines and reinforce the 5(?) developing hernias, and at the same time control her asthma. Looking back as I type we, or at least I, didn’t realize the complexity of the operation and recovery. 

  .4  Barb when a young 64 entered RPAH on Sunday 14/7/1991 to prepare and be tested for the operation on Thursday morning by Dr Eyers. I saw her briefly that Thursday evening, was told the op. went well and stayed that night in a nearby motel. On Friday and Saturday she looked much better and we talked a bit – she was on air and 12 tubes and was in a nice room at Gloucester House shared with another lady. I slept a bit better those nights but was still concerned and decided not to go with Roger to car races at Amaroo Park on my birthday.

4  Disaster Sunday    .1  On the Sunday morning 21/7/1991 when I arrived Barb  was ill  and on oxygen and we didn’t speak except by our eyes.  I learnt from the other patient that Barb had a heart problem the night before which required doctors. 

  .2  In the morning Barb screamed with pain when a young intern patted her leg with good intentions. Her legs were very sensitive due to long use of cortisone. I also advised the ward sister she had re-connected air instead of oxygen which Barb was then on. It was corrected but not with good grace.

  .3  In the afternoon I pleaded with nurses to get a doctor at least 3 times because Barb told me with her eyes she was in real trouble. On one of these occasions, a trainee nurse for Bachelor of Nursing wanted to put a suction tube down Barb’s throat to clear it. I wanted a doctor as I was concerned about Barb’s very delicate lung tissue also due to cortisone.   (See notes below on 31/12/1991).

  .4  Action finally happened when Barb became obviously very ill. Two doctors and 2 new nurses arrived and quickly examined her, and told me to get out of the room as they were taking her to ICU ASAP. I quickly went to get the slow lift ready for Barb on her bed, doctors and nurses, and one doctor remarked how good to have the lift ready. I could not fit in the crowded lift and so went to see the ward sister who said  I could not be near her as there was no place at the ICU. Then I went to the slow lift to be with Barb; and as I got out of the lift I found  Barb on her trolley which had broken down at the floor below for about 2 minutes and had just been fixed. I followed her and found a small waiting room outside the ICU (bigger than the one at RAH ICU).  About 30 minutes after I got there I was told that Barb was critical and 20 minutes later she had just died, and was then asked to confirm her identity. In shock I kissed her for the last time- on the forehead as she had a biting tube between her teeth. 

  .5  Roger had come in earlier that afternoon but I cannot remember what he did. My whole mind was on Barb. I don’t know how I reacted to the news and seeing Barb for the last time.  I don’t know if I cried or who and how I and our car got home that day and what I did in next days. 

  .6  This month in 2021, Roger and some early  notes I had made, indicate he went to the Amaroo races but felt very early he should be near Barb. He arrived about 2pm and had some food with me beside her bed. As they were racing Barb to the lift he recalls Barb waved 2 fingers at him. Roger also recalls black skid marks from a jammed tyre on her trolley, and he saw her shortly after her death and said “she looked at real peace”.     

     My later notes indicate I said “Good luck sweetie” as the crowd went into the lift but she may not have seen or heard me. Warren and Shirley arrived as planned and  about 30 minutes before Barb died. 

   .7  A few months later after I surfaced from being all mixed up and angry,  I reviewed what happened and thought what were the basic causes and possibly preventions to other similar deaths. I wrote to the Minister for Health about the “system” or culture ie competition between top management , top doctors,  nursing, cleaners and maintenance staff  – and lack of oxygen meters which had helped save Barb’s life in Royal Adelaide H . Maintenance had also suffered.

      The reply on behalf of the Minister was woeful and basically only asked if I had any complaints against doctors.   My verbal reply was No but the System.

4  Certificate.  The Certificate of Register of Deaths on 7/1991 gave no cause and I had trouble reading the final certificate and only once – hated it. I learnt last month that the preliminary death certificate indicated oedema was a factor and that the notes I had recorded for Barb in our notebook also mentioned an oedema from an injection error the day before the operation. Another mentioned pneumonia. I feel lack of oxygen was main huge contributor  to her death caused by many factors. There also was some confusion on death certificates.  Hence I will add some notes to correct her Eulogy [5 ].

5  Subsequent Days       

  .1  Someone helped me and organised the church, undertaker, grave, funeral and to get Greg to come from London. I hope I thanked them. all. 

  .2  Four days later the service for Barb was held at All Saints, North Epping  where there had been difficulty as Barb had not attended church for the last 3 -4 years. I had to explain her illness and plead with the Minister.   I was unable to give her eulogy but with many tears drafted one which Geoff, her older brother, kindly read . “Unforgettable” was played – sung by Nat King and Natalie Cole, as Barb and I loved both, and it was how I felt. Alex had organised this new unique release.  Other than someone kissing me, I cannot remember any details of the service or her cremation at Northern Suburbs Crematorium.

 .3  The months after her death must have been chaos for me as Barb and I had many things planned: completion of the new house, adding kitchen equipment already ordered and I had many commitments, meetings and a 5 man Chinese delegation to plan and accommodate in October. 

   Also I missed Barb terribly and gradually realized how much more she had helped during our marriage ; and I wanted to die to be with her, but also wanted to finish our commitments and be with friends and family. I also remembered Barb would hate me for not looking after our boys, especially disabled Warren and their future families. I went bush on the way to chair a Melbourne meeting on the design of PVs, and was very close to suicide at high speed down the mountain road to Cann River. I left it to God and  the second option narrowly won.  I ended up seeing family and friends in Victoria, doing the meeting, moved into the new nearly finished house so the Chinese could stay in 88,  and then a very sad Christmas. 

 .4  On New Year’s Eve 31/12/1991 on my own at about 5 pm, Barb’s Epping Doctor Noel Hickson  came into 1A to talk to me about Barb.  He had only learnt of her death about 3 months afterwards and felt he had to see me before the end of the year. He had a good idea of how I felt and wanted to help, and later realized he had helped a lot.

  We chatted and I explained what had happened and what I thought were the basic causes and how I had written to the Minister for Health for the need to improve the national “system” including  better Cooperation and less Competition between top hospital business and financial management , top doctors,  interns, sisters, nurses, aides, cleaning staff and maintenance staff  – and inadequate maintenance and lack of oxygen meters which 3 years earlier helped save Barb’s life in Royal Adelaide Hospital. Dr Hickson , who had partly trained for the church completely understood and agreed the system needed improvement.

Months after her death, Barb’s surgeon tried to justify no oxygen meters as they were “not reliable“. (I know a fair bit about reliability and I felt like hitting him). 

    Also junior doctors (interns) on Sunday afternoons are scared to call Professor types. (A few years earlier, Barb had lost some of her right lung because of a junior doctor against his wishes was forced by a Professor at Concord to re-inflate her collapsed lung. The surgeon who a little later operated on her repair, reported to me “it was like stitching wet tissue paper” – a result of long term use of cortisone in her fight against asthma. She took over a month in hospital to recover.)

6  Years Later  

.1   In 2020 during the COVID 19 restrictions I found many documents

 .2.  I also found her note on “Man and Woman”and I believed in its message [6].   I had done all it said including cherishing and protecting her and saved her life a few times , but failed the last time – not for trying. 

 .3  Now in 2021 all I can say is that things were stacked heavily against Barb in her last 10 years and with her first planned elective  operation. Also I tried to help but failed and still feel guilty that I might have done better – and it still hurts.  I then believed I would not reach 70. Wrong again. Humans are very complex and I cannot believe how I got to 94 – but  I still love her.    

7  Future

.1   Lesson.   For human progress,  experts, specialists and all in medical, PE and all other fields need to take heed of facts and information from all other humans involved or effected, and to think holistically with empathy and cooperation.

   .2   I am to be cremated at Northern Suburbs Crematorium and ashes buried with Barb’s in the bush we loved, under a rock with my name, birth and death dates added to her plaque in the space provide to match hers – my long missed cherished mate.

8 References 

1  Barb’s Last Two Love Notes

2 Ryde and RPA Hospital 

3 RAH

4 Not Wanting to Live in Old or New Houses, 88 or 1A

5 Barb’s Eulogy

6 Barb’s – Man and Woman

7 Stan’s Last Love Letter to Barb

                            —————//////////———— SAA   29/6, 25 /3/2021